Well buckle up, buttercup, because Sheriff David Blair was not playing around this week!
- First up on the chopping block: poor Bob Lytle, fined for our less-than-Broadway-worthy performance of his song selections. Honestly, maybe we would’ve hit those high notes if we’d had a little Irish whiskey to help us feel the spirit. Just sayin’.
- Then we’ve got John Gaber, who was slapped with a fine for dramatically dragging out the Rotarian of the Week handoff like it was the season finale of a soap opera.
- Now, with the Pope’s passing, the cardinals are gathering, and Sheriff David momentarily considered nominating our very own Italian stallion, Vito Pampalona. But plot twist—he pivoted to Linda Eastman, because she’s been doing all the good deeds. Minor details: she’s not Catholic and also a woman. Does that stop a queen? Not.
- Meanwhile, David Archbold got dinged for waltzing into the meeting with Wendy’s. Listen, nothing says “Rotary dedication” like a Frosty in hand, but alas, he was fined.
- April 22 was Earth Day, and anyone who didn’t reduce, reuse, or recycle? Boom—automatic fine. Flat-earthers? Fined. Sheriff David had his eye on Ernie Schaefer, who might be ancient enough to remember when folks thought the world was flat. Ernie objected, but it was a nice try, sweetie.
- Ron Lichtle, oh honey—you did what on Earth Day? Had your crew cut down 100 trees? That’s not Earth Day energy, that’s eco-villain behavior. And then he went and dropped plastic eggs at an Easter egg roll? Double whammy, double fine.
- And then there’s a whisper on the wind that John Modetz is honoring Earth Day in the creepiest way possible: by teaching composting and pushing oversized caskets that can fit multiple people. Reduce, reuse, and… rest in peace?
- That’s all the tea we’ve got today, and we raked in $201 in fines. All for a good cause, of course: our scholarship program.
SPEAKER
Throughout the year, students planned a wide range of service activities aligned with Rotary International’s monthly themes. Many of their projects focused on boosting school morale for both students and staff. Highlights included: